Transform and roll – oh, nevermind
The Transformers movies do their one job exceedingly well: putting a bunch of awesome robots on the screen at once so they can beat the tar (oil?) out of each other. But aside from a massive special effects budget, the idea does require robots that are actually cool.
That’s why we assembled this handy list – as long as Michael Bay stays well clear of these Oughtn’tbots and Regreticons when he plunders toy catalogs for new characters to smash up, everything should be okay.
25. Gas Skunk
The Terrible Transformer: One of Megatrons Predacons, Gas Skunk is a valuable asset to the Decepticon team, creating new weapons technology to fight the autobots, including a laser blaster that fires disgusting, smelly smoke that can blind his opponents. Hence the farty name.
Worst Detail: When choosing what primal creature to embody, a skunk has to be pretty far down the list, right below badger and one of those tree frogs with the spindly fingers. And yet, Gas Skunk couldnt even commit to the idea, ending up with a disguise that looks more like a crippled scorpion-rat on meth.
The Terrible Transformer: A Maximal member of the Beast Wars who is pretty much just a regular, down-to-Cybertron kind of guy, except… he is a martial arts instructor seeking revenge on those who destroyed his school and students. Oh.
Worst Detail: That name. The toy version had a special spring switch that would snap his arms together to give a big hug. Hes a martial arts instructor and his best weapon is a vigorous embrace.
The Terrible Transformer: Thanks to his dual transformation abilities into both a shuttle and a train, Astrotrain has the dubious responsibility for chauffeuring around armies of Decepticons who are too lazy to travel using their own rocket packs.
Worst Detail: The train. Considering that all the Decepticons are perfectly able to fly freely from place to place, it seem strange that they would all choose to sit in a transport vehicle that could literally be derailed by leaves.
The Terrible Transformer: Nightscream featured in the Beast Wars series and had a remarkably similar origin story to Batman, in that he fell down a hole and ended up in a cave where his DNA scanners used a bat for the basis of his alter-ego. Sadly, Batman actually bears a closer resemblance to the creature than Nightscream.
Worst Detail: His disguise looks more like a dog-rabbit with the forearms of a winged gorilla.
21. Wide Load
The Terrible Transformer: The strongest member of the Throttlebots, an Autobot guerrilla unit, who transforms into a dump truck and has an all-important job of materials transporter.
Worst Detail: His size begs the questions: why does a fat Transformer exist? but maybe hes just big-wired. In any case, his weight isnt anywhere near as embarrassing as his major weakness: hes prone to rust. Which, for a Transformer, is a pretty fucking serious flaw.
The Terrible Transformer: An Autobot detective who loves mystery and intrigue and working on a case as if he were a hard-boiled private investigator, instead of a giant robot.
Worst Detail: He turns into a brightly-coloured sports car, which must make those late-night incognito stakeouts difficult.
The Terrible Transformer: A particularly cruel Decepticon who completely fails one of the two robots in disguise criteria.
Worst Detail: He changes into a giant metal squid with large robot feet, not to mention he has laser rifles that sit either side of his head. Yes, well done Tentakil, youll fit in perfectly with the millions of THOSE that roam the ocean.
The Terrible Transformer: A super-aggressive Decepticon goon who actually got thrown out of the Decepticon Military Academy for being too violent. His sadistic love for destruction frankly has no place in a childs cartoon.
Worst Detail: He turns into a particularly ridiculous-looking giant bird with legs and arms. The toy figure gave off cold sparks out of its mouth when you rubbed a gear on his belly, which was safe for kids so certainly wouldnt do any harm to an Autobot.
The Terrible Transformer: A combination of Autobot cassettes Grand Slam and Raindance, Slam Dance isnt much of a fighter, but he IS a journalist. Im sure Prime really appreciates his efforts while avoiding missiles and heavy gunfire.
Worst Detail: Slamdances journalism means that he broadcasts from the frontlines of the Cybertronian war to an Autobot audience… all of whom are actually fighting in the war anyway because its not like theres a whole population of Autobots watching the news on telly before heading off to their 9-5 job as an accountant. Also, Slamdance makes it clear that his reports are completely unbiased. As any child will tell you, Autobots = good and Decepticons = bad. Everythings already pretty black and white, thanks.