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Something’s very wrong here
For as charming as the Pokmon universe might be, there’s no denying that some things simply don’t add up. There are weird inconsistencies, strange occurrences, and plot holes that haven’t been addressed. Hell, if anything, even more have surfaced: Pokmon X and Y randomly added the idea that there were freakin’ giants roaming through the world. Giants. Why.
And then there’s the ‘dex itself. The Pokdex is the home of all Pokmon information in the known universe, and includes descriptions of all 700+ pocket monsters. Even more confusingly, there are different descriptions for every generation of Pokmon, and every game. And, sometimes, they don’t make a lick of sense, either by contradicting each other or simply being filled with impossibilities. Let’s dive head-first into the weird world of the Pokdex and see what we can find. (Bonus points if you read this entire article out loud in a weird robot voice.)
Kadabra
The ‘dex says: “It happened one morning–a boy with extrasensory powers awoke in bed transformed into Kadabra.” (FireRed)
Why that doesn’t make sense: Kadabra, if you don’t know, is actually the evolution of Abra in the Pokmon universe. Kadabras don’t just show up on their own; they need to start as another Pokmon, so the idea that a child could somehow transform into a Kadabra is patently ridiculous, even in a world where electric rats zap people with lightning for stealing their poffins.
Entei
The ‘dex says: “Volcanoes erupt when it barks. Unable to restrain its extreme power, it races headlong around the land.” (Silver) “A Pokmon that races across the land. It is said that one is born every time a new volcano appears.” (Gold)
Why that doesn’t make sense: Technically, we need two Pokdex entries to really figure this guy out. The first, from Silver, says that every time Entei barks, it causes volcanoes to erupt. That’s not really possible, but makes more sense than the second entry, which says that every time a new volcano appears, an Entei is born. But Entei are Legendary Pokmon, meaning they’re super rare (many Legendaries are the only of their kind). Also, doesn’t this mean that an Entei’s bark could sprout a new volcano, which erupts to create another Entei, which will eventually bark, which sprouts…oh god the second a car drives by, the world would be absolutely covered in lava.
Dusclops
The ‘dex says: “Dusclops’ body is completely hollow–there is nothing at all inside. It is said that its body is like a black hole. This Pokmon will absorb anything into its body, but nothing will ever come back out.” (Ruby)
Why that doesn’t make sense: The first law of thermodynamics states that energy can be neither created nor destroyed, meaning that the inside of Dusclops needs to eventually fill up, right? Even if it’s totally hollow at first, it’ll eventually absorb stuff, and need to do something with that energy. The energy has to go somewhere, making this Pokemon’s hollowness a physical impossibility or a portal to a new dimension?
Metang
The ‘dex says: “It floats midair using magnetism. Its body is so tough, even a crash with a jet plane won’t leave a scratch.” (FireRed)
Why that doesn’t make sense: First, let’s discuss exactly how unreasonably strong Metang would need to be in order to not be scratched by a jet plane. For the sake of example, we’ll say that a Boeing 747 is smashing into a hovering Metang. That means that a giant hunk of metal–weighing 735,000 pounds–can smash into this thing at upwards of 550 MPH without leaving a mark. That’s absurd, but misses the bigger point: did did anyone ever test this? Were ridiculously expensive transports and/or human lives sacrificed in the pursuit of Pokedex knowledge? Professor Oak, what hath your hubris wrought?
Magcargo
The ‘dex says: “Magcargo’s body temperature is approximately 18,000 degrees F. Water is vaporized on contact. If this Pokmon is caught in the rain, the raindrops instantly turn into steam, cloaking the area in a thick fog.” (Sapphire)
Why that doesn’t make sense: Listen, Nintendo, we get it–Magcargo is hot. But he isn’t that hot. Lava is 2,000 degrees Fahrenheit. The sun? About 10,000 degrees F at the surface. That means that Magcargo is nearly two times as hot as the sun, and he’s just kinda wandering around the world. Hell, a nuclear power plant suffers a meltdown at 5,189 degrees F (according to this science website I found), meaning that if Magcargo really was 18,000, he’d likely melt a holy from one side of the world to the other. It’s called “China Syndrome,” look it up.
Grimer
The ‘dex says: “Sludge exposed to X-rays from the moon transformed into Grimer. It loves feeding on filthy things.” (X)
Why that doesn’t make sense: Hey guys! Did you know the moon shoots out X-rays? What? It doesn’t? Oh, then this doesn’t make any sense at all. While the moon does, technically bounce some of the sun’s radiation towards the planet, it doesn’t emit any of its own, and those reflective rays certainly haven’t been known to spawn any monsters. Wouldn’t there be other creatures created by moon X-rays if this was the case? Also, did these moon rays just create the first one, or are all Grimers made by these moon X-rays? And before you say, “Oh, their world isn’t the same as ours, maybe their moon is different!” I suggest you look into…
Parasect
The ‘dex says: “It scatters toxic spores from the mushroom cap. In China, the spores are used as herbal medicine.” (FireRed)
Why that doesn’t make sense: Kanto. Johto. Hoenn. Sinnoh. Unova. China. One of these things is not like the other. While it’s easy to assume that the Pokmon world is a land of its own, Parasect’s Pokdex entry grounds the whole thing squarely on Earth. Well, that, or there’s another planet out there with humans, and a country called China which has a history with using mushrooms as herbal medicine but that doesn’t explain why Raichu’s entry specifically mentions India. Then again, Earth doesn’t have any Pokmon on it, leaving this ‘dex entry square in WTFville.
Spoink
The ‘dex says: “Spoink bounces around on its tail. The shock of its bouncing makes its heart pump. As a result, this Pokmon cannot afford to stop bouncing–if it stops, its heart will stop.” (Ruby)
Why that doesn’t make sense: At face value, this is more sensational than outright nonsensical–it’s basically like a shark, in that it can’t stop moving lest it die. But unlike a shark, Spoink is often forced to battle other creatures until it faints. Fainting usually requires you to sorta stop moving. That means that any time you’ve defeated a Spoink in battle, you’ve caused it to go into cardiac arrest. That, or this Pokdex entry is full of lies.
Larvitar
The ‘dex says: “It feeds on soil. After it has eaten a large mountain, it will fall asleep so it can grow.” (Gold)
Why that doesn’t make sense: This seems like it might be problematic. If every Lavitar eats one mountain to grow, you’d think that would lead to an eventual shortage of mountains. I don’t know how many Larvitar there are in the world, but in-game, they’re relatively common, meaning that the mountain population must be in a bad place. And once they actually do eat a mountain they grow into Tryanitar, and, well, things get worse…
Tyranitar
The ‘dex says: “If it rampages, it knocks down mountains and buries rivers. Maps must be redrawn afterward.” (Diamond/Pearl)
Why that doesn’t make sense: Firstly, WHAT DO THESE CREATURES HAVE AGAINST MOUNTAINS?! Secondly, this seems to be a bad idea in terms of the sustainability of the -itar race. Every time a Tyranitar knocks down a mountain, it’s denying a Larvitar of a delicious treat. That’s just bad for the species, man. Unless, of course, this is how those pesky Entei’s are kept in check…
Gotta WHAT ’em all
And, honestly, this is just the tip of the iceberg. When doing research for this I found dozens of other weird ‘dex entries that technically made sense, but were really, really weird. They didn’t fit here, but who knows? If you folks like hearing about this sort of rubbish enough, there might be more dives into the dark underbelly of Pokemon in the near future.
And if you’re looking for more, check out the weirdest theories about the Pokemon universe and the most disturbing Pokedex entries.
