10 Heinous Bond Outfits

Terrycloth Playsuit – Goldfinger (1964)

Sean Connery’s incarnation of Bond is considered by many to be the ultimate in iconic cool.

Which makes it all the more baffling that the Goldfinger costume department decided to dress him up as a giant bloody baby.

Seriously, James Bond wore a onesie. A onesie that he struggles to get out of at one point. Ridiculous.

Cream Suit – Moonraker (1979)

It’s not so much the cream suit we’ve got a problem with here, it’s the accessorising.

The brown shirt would be bad enough on its own, but to add a top pocket handkerchief made of the same horrible material is simply unforgivable.

It’s way, way, way too try-hard for James Bond.

According to fashion folk, the only time you should match your top pocket handkerchief colour with your shirt is when both are white.

We’d add something to that – you should never match anything that’s the same colour as poo.

The Kilt – On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)

Working undercover as baronet Sir Hilary Bray from the London College of Arms in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service , George Lazenby’s Bond arrives for dinner at Ernst Stavro Blofeld’s Swiss hideout Piz Gloria wearing a traditional Scottish kilt – thereby enabling randy Lancashire lass Angela Scoular to imprint her room number in lipstick on his upper thigh.

“Just a slight stiffening coming on” is how 007 explains his changed demeanour.

It is not long, though, before he lets the kilt drop to the ground, prompting Scoular’s Ruby to scream “It’s true!” as she gets an eyeful of the Bond family jewels.

The Poncho – Moonraker (1979)

Disguised as a gaucho in the kind of poncho that Clint Eastwood made his own in his Spaghetti Western trilogy, Bond’s arrival at MI5’s Brazilian outpost in Moonraker is (predictably) accompanied by Elmer Bernstein’s theme from The Magnificent Seven .

This, however, is just one of Sir Roger’s crimes against fashion in his fourth outing as 007.

Others include the safari suit he sports in the Amazon jungle, the yellow clobber and leather helmet he wears on Drax’s space station and that silk monstrosity he wears in Rio de Janeiro.

Oh well: at least he doesn’t put on a clown outfit…

Lawrence of Arabia – The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Arriving in Egypt in The Spy Who Loved Me on a mission to discover who’s put a hi-tech submarine tracking device on the black market, Roger Moore tries to blend in by donning some flowing white robes that look like they have been lifted from Lawrence of Arabia’s wardrobe.

Luckily his first point of contact turns out to be a Sheik he studied with in Cambridge, with a tent full of lovelies to pass some time with.

“When one is in Egypt, one should delve deeply into its treasures,” says Bond with a leer that would make Russell Brand proud.

Pyjama Game – Die Another Day (2002)

Having spent 14 months being tortured in a North Korean prison, Pierce Brosnan can be forgiven for looking a little dishevelled in his final Bond outing Die Another Day .

Even this, however, does not excuse his bare-footed saunter through the lobby of the Hong Kong Yacht Club in a Grizzly Adams beard and a set of soaking wet pyjamas.

Emboldened, the actor went for a similarly revealing stroll in The Matador clad in no more than cowboy boots and a pair of underpants.

He’ll have to go some, however, to top the bell-bottomed Spandex creation he wears in Mamma Mia .

The suit with a seagull – Goldfinger (1964)

Sean Connery was usually a picture of sartorial elegance as Bond, but his entrance in Goldfinger left a lot to be desired.

Emerging out of the sea in a skin-tight wetsuit with a fake seagull on his head, his sheepish expression made him look like a man who has just been stuck with the bill.

The bird in question was a somewhat sorry specimen, having been repeatedly dunked in the studio tank by director Guy Hamilton.

“I should have done it again but we only had the one seagull,” he revealed earlier this year. “That to me is a cock-up…”

Morning Suit – Licence To Kill (1989)

Bond knows his suits. This list aside, he’s usually decked out in the finest tailoring.

Which makes his morning suit gaffs in Licence To Kill more offensive than all the times he shot someone in the face and said something like “Guess I just shot you in the face, lol” put together.

People who take this sort of thing seriously HATE this outfit.

According to TheSuitsOfJamesBond.com…

“The collar stands away from the neck and the back just looks sloppy overall.

“It is properly cut with a 1-button front that cuts away to the tails in the back.

“It includes a waist seam, proper of body coats. Other details include peak lapels, a breast pocket—which not all morning coats have—and 3-button cuffs.

“The buttons are grey plastic.

“However, there is one big problem with this morning coat: the colour.

“A morning coat that is part of a suit can be mid to light grey like Roger Moore’s morning suit is.

“But when it’s part of the more traditional and more formal morning dress, it should only be black or dark grey.

“The mid grey of Dalton’s morning coat isn’t formal enough to match the formality of the rest of the outfit.”

This is all clearly unforgiveable.

The Clown – Octopussy (1983)

Proof that Roger Moore’s 007 was fast becoming a laughing stock came near the end of 1983’s Octopussy , in which he fakes his way into the big top where Louis Jourdan has hidden a nuclear bomb by donning a clown outfit.

“Roger was very apprehensive about being dressed up as a clown and took a lot of persuading,” admits director John Glen. “But, as ever, he embraced the idea and performed it beautifully.”

That wasn’t the only questionable attire in Moore’s fifth Bond outing, which also sees him disguise himself as a crocodile and take refuge in a gorilla costume.

Japanese fisherman – You Only Live Twice (1967)

Try as he might, the 6’ 2’’ Sean Connery failed to convince in the guise of a Japanese fisherman in You Only Live Twice .

Being two feet taller than everybody around him might have had something to do with it, though having him wear a kimono didn’t help matters – a garment almost as unflattering as the turquoise towel robe he’d worn three years earlier in Thunderball .

Then again, nothing Sir Sean ever donned in the James Bond flicks could ever match the apocalyptic nappy he sported in John Boorman’s Zardoz or that bloody teddy bear get-up from 1998’s The Avengers.

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