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11 A Hot Tub
From: Hot Tub Time Machine
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It’s a hot tub, that’s also a time machine. Or is it a time machine that’s almost a hot tub? Who knows? Who cares! Because logic and the laws of time travel aren’t paramount to understanding Hot Tub Time Machine ’s inspired time-bending device. Travelling backwards (and forwards) in time involves the simple act of getting drunk, stripping off, getting the hot tub and spilling illegal Russian energy drink Chernobly all over the controls. It may also have something to do with mysterious hot tub repairman Chevy Chase, but we’re no wiser having watched the movie half a dozen times.
Drawbacks with this model of time machine: It’s the type of time machine that puts you back in the body of your younger self, but keeps all your memories intact. Which is fine if you yearn for the past, but not if you were a pimple-plagued teen with no self-confidence. You’re also likely to get a nasty case of wrinkly toes from extended periods in this machine.
10 A Car On Rails
From: TimeCop
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Max Walker (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is a cop for the TEC (Time Enforcement Division) and his beat is all of history (blimey, we should write the blurb lines for these things). The TEC combats timecrimes following the discovery of time travel, but it’s a miracle anyone got as far as discovering it considering how risky this version of time travel is.
To get back into the past, you have to sit in a rocket-fuelled, rail-mounted jet car that has to achieve high speed before breaking through the temporal barrier. There’s a countdown, high tension and a scary launch which makes it all seem very dramatic.
Oddly, however, the car vanishes once you reach you temporal destination; you just fall out of what looks like a giant puddle. And getting back to the present is as simple as stepping back in the puddle… at which point you’re suddenly back in the car again, whizzing back up the rails. Where’s it been? In some sort of temporal car park?
Drawbacks with this model of time machine: For some bizarre reason, although the jet car needs to reach high speed to travel back in time, it’s launched on some rails that look about 10 metres long with a brick wall at the far end. We’re told if that if the car doesn’t reach a high enough speed to break through the time barrier it’ll crash into the wall. Um, longer rails, anyone? A sandpit, maybe?
