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Money is precious in these tough economic times, so you ought to spend it wisely. Now, some might think it’s flat-out ludicrous to spend a couple bucks on a little JPEG avatar to adorn your PlayStation Network profile, but if you want to rep your favorite game series, put your cherished anime waifu on a pedestal, or just feel like broadcasting a particularly evocative image, that’s entirely your right. Your avatar is a crucial part of your online self-expression, and such a key part of your multiplayer identity is surely worth a little chunk of change. All that being said, some PSN avatars don’t deserve to exist, let alone be sold.
Art is said to be subjective, but those scoundrels foisting creatively bankrupt garbage onto a largely unregulated market classify as ‘artists’ purely of the con variety. Here’s a selection of the absolute worst PS4-ready avatars you can find for sale on PSN, along with what people will probably assume was going through your head whenever you made the conscious decision to pay for these POS profile pics. And if you’re on the hunt for abysmal avatars to sport ironically, you’ve come to the right place.
“True Gamer Avatar”
“Because I’m a true gamer, I only use controllers with teeny, tiny twin sticks designed for little baby thumbs. As an aside, I spent hours debating which ‘terrible controller clipart lazily edited to look gold’ avatar deserved my money, because the competition (from a different ‘artist’) was fierce (opens in new tab).”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
“I’M STILL IN BETA AVATAR”
“Who likes forced and failed attempts at wordplay that make no sense, rendered in an ugly faux-graffiti style? This guy right here!”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
“Again, I Win, You Lose Avatar”
“My avatar is the only defense I have against the crippling insecurity and inferiority complex I struggle with every goddamn day of my miserable life.”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
“Avatar girlfriend”
“There’s something you should know about me: I’m only attracted to women who do the ‘I’m a little teapot’ dance whilst drenched in blood.”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
“Owned From Birth – Avatar”
“We live in a society where I can (and will) pay money for a product so shoddily, lazily constructed that it may as well not exist. Capitalism: it really works!”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
“Luxurious Life Avatar”
“Let’s see… how can I properly convey the fact that I’m one of the most pompous, fiscally irresponsible people on planet Earth? I’ve got it – I’ll pay $20 for a little picture of a diamond to flaunt my wealth! That’ll teach those online plebeians to mock me on sight.”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
“BINARY CLOWN AVATAR”
“At long last, my two loves – The Matrix movies and killer clowns – have been combined into one perfect image.”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
“Red Dragon Avatar”
“I sure do love dragons! Even the ones that look like they were crappily 3D-rendered in the year 2002!”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
“I’M GAMING AVATAR”
“Never, ever talk to me.”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
“Love Burns Avatar”
“I’m still not over the breakup – and this borderline illegible avatar pays the perfect tribute to my blistering heartbreak.”
Yep, it’s real (opens in new tab)
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