If only the citizens of Alderaan had been given mandatory dance lessons at a young age. Millions of innocent lives could have been saved. Hell, if Anakin’s mum had been a bit more willing to boogie in the face of danger, she might have survived that incident with the Tusken Raiders, and Darth Vader might never have happened in the first place.

That’s the lesson it seems we are to learn from this newly-discovered phenomenon (opens in new tab) in EA and BioWare’s mammoth MMO Star Wars: The Old Republic. If in doubt during a particularly brutal throwdown, hit the ‘/getdown’ console command in order to make your character dance. It seems they’ll interrupt incoming attacks and become invulnerable for the duration of their shape-throwing, perhaps invoking some hitherto little-known Force-swirling technique to bogle up an invisible protective barrier about their person. Or, you know, maybe it’s just an awesome glitch.

It’s bound to be patched out any second now, but in the meantime, jig those lasers away to your heart’s content. Or not, depending on how unfavourably BioWare might be look upon the use of exploits. There’s probably some kind of ‘Dark Lord of the dance’ pun to be made here, but I’m certainly bloody not going to be the one to make it.

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That video makes Mario DDR look like a happy memory. Do you see now that Just Dance is so powerful that they can get permission from Nintendo to embarrass Mario to such a degree? Ubisoft can hire some guy, dress him as Mario, stand him in front of a green screen, make him dance, and charge money for it. It costs 250 Nintendo Points, and goes on sale tomorrow on the Wii eShop. Oh well, it can’t be worse than the Smurfs’ dance game.

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The new system requires that developers fill in an in-depth questionnaire detailing all content that may be considered offensive by the masses. There are sections for the likes of sex, violence, strong language, and even poop. This questionnaire is then analysed by the ESRB’s Skynet equivalent and a rating is thrown out of its robotic opinion-slot. I kid you not.

Obviously having not seen the full detail of the questionnaire it’s tricky to weigh up just how accurate this computerised offense-evaluation is going to be, and the ESRB promises that questions will break down content in ahuge amountof detail, but it’s easy to imagine that there’ll be a bit less room for tonal context, interpretation of directorial vision, or emotional understanding of the content in question. Human beings will evaluate the games after release, and there will be heavy penalties for developers giving duff information, but is it coasting a little too close to Controversial Video Game Industry Nightmare City to only check this stuff out properly once a game is approved and out?

So far the system is only tagged to rate XBLA, PSN and Wii/DSiWare games, with real, human adjudicators continuing to take the reins on the rating of full retail games. But what do you reckon? Is this a necessary streamlining of resources, or a Fox News headline waiting to happen? Of course, most games are already rated without hands-on experience, by way of submitted DVDs of the most relevent content, but is this system going too far?

Source:The New York Times (opens in new tab)

April 18th, 2011

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In memory of some of gaming’s most mental scientists and demented quacks, we present this humble list. They’re all geniuses, but they’re all completely over the rainbow. Read on as we take you on a tour through gaming’s maddest mad doctors.

Dr. Neo Cortex

From: Crash Bandicoot
Speciality: Artificially stimulated evolution, putting pants on animals

Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex is the ultimate cliche. Bullied as a child, Cortex’s ambition of world domination is driven by the ridicule he’s suffered over the years. Boasting a massive cranium matched only by his ego, and resplendent in the obligatory white lab coat, elbow-length rubber gloves, and evil beard of villainy, Cortex is everything a mad doctor should be. He’s also quite, quite mad, as evidenced by the fact that he has an army of rapidly evolved animals that he thinks will help him rule Earth. The big “N” plastered on his forehead probably isn’t great evidence of emotional stability, either.

Dr. Nefarious

From: Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal
Speciality: Time travel, destruction of anything with a pulse

Nefarious is the personification of self-loathing. His hatred of all living things pushed him over the brink of madness, despite the fact that he himself was once a biological life form. Fortunately, that’s no longer a problem because he is now a robot and therefore free to pursue a genocidal war against the “squishiness and foul stench” of organic beings. In short, he’s a complete lunatic who wants to disintegrate anything that isn’t made of metal and rule a galaxy populated entirely by machines. Pretty cuckoo, then.

Adrian Baker

From: Heavy Rain
Speciality: Extreme surgery, roofies

Adrian Baker is one of many “rent-a-villains” found in Heavy Rain, who seem to exist solely to wave their hands around and shout, “I AM QUITE SUSPICIOUS MAYBE I AM THE ORIGAMI KILLER ACTUALLY!” Also known as The Doc, Baker is one of the craziest suspects found in Quantic Dream’s quasi-film, as evidenced by his love of drugging young women and performing surgery on their conscious, unaneasthetized bodies. He himself is happy to admit that he went a little peculiar after he lost the ability to perform real surgery, but that’s okay. A circular saw in the basement and a city full of soft female flesh is more than enough to make up for it.

Dr. Killjoy

From: The Suffering
Speciality: Curing the criminally insane, being criminally insane

Dr. Killjoy is the classic lunatic running the asylum. Although he genuinely desires to fix the minds of the psychopaths on Carnate Island, his methods are said to be depraved (not to mention often fatal) and his current existence as a living memory who seeks to “cure” protagonist Torque hasn’t seemed to do much for the man’s sanity. Appearing throughout The Suffering as a sixteen millimeter film projection, Killjoy attempts to help the criminally insane in the only way he knows – by sending blinded freaks with swords for arms after them.

Dr
Baldhead/Faust

From: Guilty Gear (series)
Specialty: Lacerating opponents with a six-foot scalpel while wearing a bag over his head

Okay, stay with us on this one: Faust – who is supposedly 360cm (11 feet, 9 inches) tall – was originally named Dr Baldhead, and he was a genius of a physician. But he wasn’t infallible, and when a little girl died on his operating table, he dealt with the pain just as any medical professional would: He went batshit insane and became a serial killer. However, when the ghost of the little girl who died appeared to him and said it wasn’t his fault, he became UN-insane again (note we didn’t say “sane”), changed his name to Faust, and rededicated himself to preserving life and fostering peace. However, the fact that his peacekeeping methods involve him wearing a bag over his head and slashing away at other people with a gigantic scalpel leads us to question just how sane he’s become. We’re going with, “not quite sane enough.”

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