Ruiner  

Platform(s): PS4, Xbox One, PC

Ruiner (opens in new tab) is the Hotline Miami of cyberpunk games, featuring thoroughly violent action that’s effectively a nonstop slaughterfest so long as you can survive the one-against-dozens combat. But when you’re not intensely focused on snapping up another futuristic gun or melee weapon to line up your next kill, the quieter moments of Ruiner are full of charm and gorgeous to look at, with lush character art and appropriately neon-soaked environments. We only get to see a relatively restricted slice of the city of Rengkok, but what’s there is enchanting. Corporations spy on the populace with holograms of stray cats; ancient fortune tellers foresee the future among grimy alleyways; masked gang members called Creeps set up their lair in gigantic parking structures. Our mute protagonist (with his spiffy image-projecting mask) feels like just another cog in the giant, grimy machine – a perfect distillation of the ‘punk’ in cyberpunk.

Hover 

Platform(s): PC (coming soon to PS4 and Xbox One)

Keeping it 100 percent, the story behind Hover is super thin, so don’t expect too many of the subversive, thought-provoking elements that define many of the other games on this list. But Hover still has skyscrapers, neon, and oppressed citizens, so yeah, cyberpunk. Most importantly, it lets you jump, grind, and wallride up and down said neon skyscrapers in a loving homage to Jet Set Radio. It even features some music composed by Hideki Naganuma, the underappreciated genius behind the soundtracks of Jet Set Radio and Jet Set Radio Future. The game plays like an anti-gravity, parkour-infused version of its skating forebears: freedom of movement and big jumps all across free-roaming challenges, story missions, and drop-in/drop-out multiplayer. See? Cyberpunk doesn’t have to be gritty and angry all the time!

Observer 

Platform(s): PS4, Xbox One, PC

Horror is a relatively unexplored aspect of the cyberpunk genre – so the creators of the terrifying Layers of Fear (opens in new tab) stepped in to torment your psyche in the year 2084 with Observer. Our protagonist is a neural detective played by Rutger Hauer – Mr. Roy Batty himself – who must jack in to the brains of suspects and explore their shifting, distorted memories. On top of the societal doom and environmental gloom that comes with the classic cyberpunk setting, Observer’s suspense and scares are derived from the unreliable nature of these virtual realities you’re sent to investigate. At times, you’ll relish the opportunity to explore these highly detailed settings in first-person. At others, you’ll be afraid to take another step further for fear of what you might see in these technology-consumed mindscapes.

Va-11 Hall-A 

Platform(s): PC, PS Vita

Lots of cyberpunk games make you a superpowered authority figure or a heroic rebel. Va-11 Hall-A makes you a depressed bartender who talks to her cat. The main character, Jill, has a narrative arc of her own, but you spend most of the game hearing stories from her many customers – some of whom flit in and out, others who treat the crappy little bar as a second home. But they’re not just there to visit, they’re there to drink, and what kind of libations you mix will broadly determine what direction their stories take; after all, would you really want to open up to a bartender who messes up your order every time? Va-11 Hall-A has some weirdly adolescent story beats, but shrug those off and you’ll enjoy your dreadfully normal life in a cyberpunk dystopia.

The Red Strings Club 

Platform(s): PC

This vibrant, pixel-art adventure game takes after Va-11 Hall-A in that it too lets you tend bar as a cyberpunk pastime, along with the highly unique relaxation of ‘genetic implant pottery’ that has to be seen to be believed. But what really sets The Red Strings Club apart is its superb storytelling, with complex characters who shine far brighter than the dystopia they inhabit. With three playable leads and plenty of branching, well-written dialogue, you’ll need to deduce the motives and beliefs of everyone you meet to unravel a corporate conspiracy. For all the highly advanced technology that’s readily available in this world, The Red Strings Club revolves around ethics, empathy, and human emotion, using the cyberpunk setting as a fitting backdrop rather than an attention-grabbing focus.    

Invisible, Inc.

Platform(s): PS4, Xbox One, PC 

Invisible, Inc. evokes strains of the recent XCOM reboot, especially in how it makes all of your early, seemingly inconsequential choices at the beginning ripple outward, a butterfly effect that will determine whether or not your particular run through the game will end in victory or defeat. But instead of protecting Earth from a marauding alien force, Invisible, Inc. casts you as a plucky band of superspies who are attempting to infiltrate and bring down a world-wide corporate regime. Invisible, Inc.’s missions play out in turns, and stealth is valued above all else. Every decision you make has benefits and consequences, and one wrong move can cause irreparable damage several missions later. No pressure or anything.

Shadowrun: Dragonfall Director’s Cut

Platform(s): Mobile, PC  

The pen-and-paper Neuromancer-meets-D&D RPG series Shadowrun made its triumphant return to relevance in 2013, re-introducing a world of cybernetic implants, street samurais, and computer-hacking elves and orcs to a whole new audience. And while Shadowrun Returns is a fun turn-based strategy RPG in its own right, it’s the expansion, Dragonfall, that’s really worth playing, thanks to the strength of its writing. Here’s the set-up: back in 2012, a massive dimensional rift opened, causing a flood of fantastical creatures and beasts to pour into our world – including the Great Dragon Feuerschwinge. It took four months to fell the mighty beast, and now, 40 years later, rumors of its return start surfacing in Berlin, a city teetering on the brink of anarchy. It’s here that your story is told, as you join up with a variety of punks, thieves, and hackers (known as ‘deckers’) and take on jobs around the city. Dragonfall evokes strains of Mass Effect 2, as each of your party members comes with their own baggage, but Dragonfall ups the ante by revelling in the shades of gray that Mass Effect avoids. You don’t even need to own Shadowrun Returns to play this expansion – the Director’s Cut is a stand-alone experience that tells its own, self-contained tale in this fantastic world.

Gemini Rue

Platform(s): Mobile, PC  

The rain-soaked planet of Barracus hides dangerous secrets, and as detective Azriel Odin, you arrive looking for any clues that will lead to your brother’s whereabouts. Your investigation sends you on a collision course with the Boryokudan crime syndicate – a dangerous organization dealing in a deadly drug known as “juice”. You also play as Delta Six, a man locked up in a “rehabilitation center”, with no memory of who he once was and no contact with the outside world. The connection between these plotlines seems indistinct, until well, that’s all you’re getting out of me. Gemini Rue looks like a point-and-click adventure made back in LucasArts’ heyday at first glance, but spend five minutes with it and you’ll see there’s a lot more depth to it than many of its contemporaries. You’ll actually have to do proper detective work, as you use your communicator to cross-reference the information you get from the people you talk to on a futuristic version of the internet. And the story’s really good too, with some pretty decent voice acting considering it was developed by one guy. If you like your sci-fi served hardboiled with a whiskey chaser, Gemini Rue will fit the bill nicely.

Deus Ex: Human Revolution Director’s Cut

Platform(s): PS3, Xbox 360, Wii U, PC  

In the near future, technology allows humans to live beyond the confines of their genetics. Augmentations give sight to the blind, repair broken limbs, and grant otherwise superhuman ability to those who can afford it – which, of course, creates a rift between those who can and those who can’t. Black markets spring up, offering illegal modification work. Hostility brews between those who opt for augmentation and those who see it as a perversion of humanity. And in the middle of it all stands Adam Jensen, a man who would be dead if it weren’t for a massive, experimental reconstruction that replaces most of his body with technological enhancements. Deux Ex: Human Revolution is a fascinating exploration of a possible future where the very nature of what it means to be human is redefined by our technology. And as Jensen, you’re able to experience this world through his eyes, speak with its people, and decide your own fate. It’s a quasi-first-person-shooter/stealth-RPG where talking your way out of a situation is just as viable a solution as fighting your way through it or hacking your way around it. Just make sure you grab the director’s cut, which enhances the graphics a bit, integrates the DLC mission directly into the story, and vastly improves the boss fights.

Final Fantasy 7

Platform(s): PS1, PS3, PS4, PC  

Final Fantasy 7 may seem like an odd entry on this list, but it has all the trappings of a compelling cyberpunk tale along with a heaping dose of Eastern mysticism. A small band of rebels attempt to dismantle Shinra, a monolithic megacorp sucking the very lifeforce out of the planet to power Midgar – a massive, dystopian pizza-shaped city where the haves live in sunlight and the have-nots live in fear of being literally crushed under the weight of those who live on the plate above. This is a world where magic – extracted from the planet and compressed into tiny balls called materia – is just as commonplace as the technology and neon-lit neighborhoods that its citizens live with. There’s a little more emphasis on the ethereal power of nature than you’d normally find in cyberpunk, especially when you finally start diving into its main story arc, but the bizarre combination of arm-grafted gatling guns, gigantic swords, and Chocobos is what makes Final Fantasy 7 such a memorable experience.

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The post The best cyberpunk games you should be playing right now appeared first on Game News.

Conductor’s baton – Eternal Sonata

Impracticality rating: 2/10

What does it do? Um, hit people. It’s basically a glorified stick. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: It’s not, nor has it ever been, a weapon. A real-life conductors baton is simply a small wooden stick. A musical chopstick, if you will. At a push it could work offensively in the right context, but that context would be Manhunt or a hideous gangland statement killing, whereby it would be stabbed into the victim’s eye socket and snapped off.

And combat does not work that way in whimsical anime RPG Eternal Sonata.

Ball and chain – The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Impracticality rating: 2/10

What does it do? Using the strength and momentum of whoever’s wielding it, it swings on a chain to pummel someone IN THE FACE. Or any other region.

Would be utterly useless in real life because: Okay, the thing will smash through a wall of solid ice, but the basic laws of physics dictate that the force required to project a metal ball with the speed required to do so would not come from a slight elfin boy. It would come from a cannon. So you might as well just use a cannon instead.

As an added bonus cannons come on wheels, so they can be easily transported without compacting one’s spine to half of its original length.

Boomerangs – Skies of Arcadia and many others 

Impracticality rating: 3/10

What does it do? After hitting something, it returns back to the thrower. Neat. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: Weaponised boomerangs were used for hunting, i.e. sneaky one-hit takedowns from a hidden position. In open combat, they have absolutely no purpose whatsoever. Once a boomerang hits something, it stops flying. It falls to the ground and categorically does not come back to the user for another throw in the next round.

The only way to make boomerangs practical in sustained battle is by carrying about 50 of them. But to be honest, if you’re going to do that you might as well just pick up rocks off the ground and hurl them at your enemies heads. They’re harder and you don’t have to take them with you afterwards.

Gun arm – Final Fantasy VII

Impracticality rating: 4/10

What does it do? Transforms an arm into a gun. Simple. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: The idea of expanding the range of one’s limb-based repertoire with the ability to fire bullets from the wrist sounds like a wonderfully empowering innovation. A literal case of point-and-shoot, allowing you to rain down hot fiery lead upon any who cross you with a mere gesture.

The reality? Machine guns are hard to use. They take a fair amount of effort just to control. In fact they tend to require two fully functioning hand-equipped arms simply to avoid tearing a hole in the ceiling. Of course you could use your spare arm in an attempt to steady the recoil of a gun-arm, but given that the thing you’re attempting to hold still is your bullet-rattling other arm you’d hardly be working at full capacity. Not least when you eventually end up shaking your elbow cartilage to jelly and then discovering that your forearm is riddled with stress fractures.

Vanille’s rods – Final Fantasy XIII

Impracticality rating: 5/10

What does it do? Uses various prongs at the end of the rods to scratch and maul. Like giant cat claws. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: Egad, where to start with this thing? First up there’s the fact that they look to be constructed from a set of deer antlers on a stick, making them both utterly unwieldy and giving them a fragility rating roughly on a par with that of a glass spider-web. So, a wonky but at-least-sharp hitting-stick then? No. You see Vanille’s rods aren’t used like that. Instead, their primary attack method comes by way of four hooked lines that project from the top of the rod, turning it into a kind of combined whip/flail/scratching device.

Does that sound familiar? Similar to any easily recognisable real-world hunting equipment, perchance? Yes, Vanille is essentially fighting Final Fantasy XIIIs various beasts, monsters, and house-sized bosses with a fishing rod. Go out into the countryside and attack a bear with a fishing rod and see how far you get. Come back and tell us all about how it went. Oh wait, you wont be able to, because bear poo can’t talk.

Buster Sword – Final Fantasy VII

Impracticality rating: 5/10

What does it do? Its great weight and sharpness slices through anything it comes into contact with – if you can lift it. It’s heavy. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: The Buster Sword is the poster boy for showboating impracticality. Huge, angular, and sporting the kind of heft that could crush a skull just as easily as it could cleave a limb, visually it’s as intimidating as a herd of drunken elephants in football shirts.

Until, that is, you realise that its wielder isn’t so much wielding it as he is dragging it along behind him like a giant, lazy, obstinate St. Bernard which refuses to move and is carrying a bag full of bricks and is also dead. And that any attempt to actually swing the thing will results only in dislocated shoulders or a dislodged or broken spine.

Flaming sword – LOADS of games

Impracticality rating: 6/10

What does it do? Sets itself on fire. Then the fire does extra damage to whatever it hits. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: Although it would look cool, the flames would do minimal damage compared to the actual puncturing of skin and perforating of organs that the blade would be responsible for. In fact if anything, the fire would slightly cauterise the wound, slowing down bleeding. That’s if you can even swing the thing accurately given how much pain your hand would be in due to the uncanny heat conducting properties of metal.

The main point though is one of post-battle practicality. As soon as you sheathed the thing you’d set your pants on fire. Remember, kids: It’s only a victory if your groin doesn’t require treatment for third-degree burns afterwards.

Rumbling Rose keyblade – Kingdom Hearts II

Impracticality rating: 7/10

What does it do? It might look pretty, but it works rather simply: it just hits things really hard. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: Keyblades by and large are a pretty ridiculous design. For a start, most of them do not actually have blades. Thus, what you’re dealing with is actually a giant, top-heavy metal club. As such, it’s a weapon that’s about as balanced as civil rights debate at a KKK meeting. The Rumbling Rose from Kingdom Hearts II is particularly impractical, being as it is essentially a solid slab of metal with a handle made of chicken wire. Oh, and the handle is covered with metal thorns too, so its actually more like barbed wire.

You know, comfortable, ergonomically designed barbed wire, just like they stuff cushions with.

Skeletal arm – Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Impracticality rating: 7/10

What does it do? Grasps and clutches at the air even while it’s being used to slap someone who’s almost out of arm’s reach. Except they’re not. Because you’re holding onto an extra arm. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: Skeletons aren’t famous for their durability. We break bones, bruise them, and you can bet that after we’re dead they only decrease in usefulness. Think about it for a second: there’s a reason that humanity invented swords and spears instead of continuing to fight with our fists. Pointy sharp things are, well…pointy and sharp. And very effective against other squishy meatbags (i.e. humans). 

So having a weapon made out of a skeleton arm not only puts a lot of faith into cartilage but also means you’ve been digging. In a cemetery. And then pulling apart decomposing bodies and waving their arms around in your fists like a necro-windmill. 

Dragon Tooth greathammer – Dark Souls 

Impracticality rating: 8/10

What does it do? Uses its massive weight to act as a giant club. As its from a dragon, it’s almost unbreakable. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: Okay, okay. Let’s bypass the entire scenario of actually trying to fight with this weapon and focus on how you’d get it in the first place. You’d have to kill a dragon (famous for being a rather difficult endeavour) and then rip a tooth from its jaw. I can’t imagine a string tied to a slammable open door will do the trick, so there’s that obstacle to surmount. Maybe make sure you have a tow truck and a length of adamantium chain handy. And a very, very enthusiastic dentist. 

Also, once you’ve pulled out a tooth from the deadliest reptile known to mankind, you don’t decide to carve it into something else. Like a sword, or a set of unbreakable armour – oh no. If it worked for a dragon it must work for a human, right? Yeah, probably. Just hit someone round the head with it. Donezo. 

Turbo Super Sledge – Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel

Impracticality rating: 8/10

What does it do? A jet engine is used to give this greathammer some extra oompf, to ensure it meets its target with a devastating force. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: The Turbo Super Sledge is the kind of weapon a six-year old would design. Obviously that automatically makes it amazing, but by definition it also makes it flat-out ludicrous.

How ludicrous? It’s a sledgehammer with a nuclear-powered jet engine running through the head. Earlier and later versions of the Super Sledge use a relatively sensible kinetic energy store for extra impact, but for the Turbo edition, only the force of an actual rocket-powered swing will do. Sounds awesome, but compare the mass of a rocket-propelled sledgehammer to that of a stationary human hammer-swinger. Swinging this thing would simply turn its wielder into a (very brief) human Catherine Wheel, before catapulting them over a couple of city blocks and inflicting the kind of whiplash that turns neck vertebrae into powder.

Gunblade – Multiple Final Fantasy games

Impracticality rating: 10/10

What does it do? Combines blades with…guns. There’s a gun attached to its hilt. So you can fire bullets and then run in for an almighty slice with the same implement. 

Would be utterly useless in real life because: It wouldn’t function as either a gun or a blade. The firing mechanism of Final Fantasy VIII’s version (which doesn’t actually fire a projectile but rather sends a shockwave down the blade for additional impact) would probably result in severe carpal tunnel syndrome for the user over prolonged combat. And the resulting numbness, tingling sensation, and loss of grip strength would turn the already-challenging act of carrying the ludicrously unbalanced thing into a borderline impossibility.

And on that note, the simple fact is that swords with hybrid pistol hilts are just not practical. They handle badly, their weighting is all wrong, and they’re generally just a big unwieldy mess. In fact they did actually exist in real life for a while, but were written off as a stupid idea for exactly that reason.

M-490 Blackstorm – Mass Effect 2

Impracticality rating: 17/10

What does it do? It fires black holes. You know, those things with mass so great and gravity so powerful that not even light can escape their pull.

Would be utterly useless in real life because: The very idea of projecting one of those away from oneself is inherently broken. As is the idea of said impossible projectile not instantly sucking the entire corridor into its black, merciless grasp the second the trigger is pulled, starting with the nearest thing to it (the gun itself) and then branching out from there (i.e. crushing you to a pulp an instant later). It’s quite literally a self-defeating weapon.

So that’s a hefty 11 tools of death-dealing nonsensicality. But can you think of any we’ve missed? Any world-saving weapons that would do far more harm than good? Any ultimate swords of ultimate silliness that would break a hero’s arm long before breaking the villain’s will? Let us know in the comments.

And if you’re in the mood for reading some more tangentially related internet goodness, why not check out The 15 types of characters you meet in every RPG (opens in new tab) and The 25 best video game stories ever (opens in new tab) There is no reason why not. You’ll have a great time. 

The post The most ludicrously impractical RPG weapons appeared first on Game News.

Square-Enix’s announcement of a Final Fantasy 7 Remake (opens in new tab) at E3 2015 (opens in new tab) was a shock to the system. What was long regarded as nothing more than a fanboy’s fantasy is finally becoming a reality, and we couldn’t be more thrilled. Since its release in 1997, Final Fantasy 7 has spawned numerous spin-off games, a couple of movies, and its characters have made cameos across the Square-Enix library. Clearly, the game’s popularity hasn’t wanned in the almost two decades since its release.

Final Fantasy 7 has also already enjoyed numerous re-releases, so if you’re itching to play the game in its original form you have plenty of options. With this remake, Square-Enix has the opportunity to make some tweaks and adjustments to the FF7 formula. They’re already giving the game a modern-day facelift – but the possibilities don’t end there. At the same time, it’s important not to go overboard and lose the oddball stuff that made this JRPG great. Here are our picks for what should – and should not – change in this new Final Fantasy 7.

Fix the mini-games

Even the most ardent Final Fantasy 7 fan will admit to you that the game’s controls are janky as hell, and there’s nowhere that this is more evident than the mini-games. There are a plethora of mini-games strewn throughout Final Fantasy 7, featuring snowboarding, a motorcycle ride through techno-town, a tower defense game, and the wondrous carnival that is Gold Saucer – and they all handle about as well as you’d expect they would coming from a company whose only 3D game prior to this was Tobal No. 1.

Square-Enix will have to go back to the drawing board on a lot of these things, enhancing controls and perhaps increasing the depth to the games – perhaps make chocobo racing a little more involved than simply holding a button down and letting it go to replenish stamina. Maybe we’ll even get few new ones within Gold Saucer like the ones found in Final Fantasy 14. But perhaps the best part of all? HD Mog House.

Keep Cloud’s date with Barrett

Everybody had that one character in Final Fantasy 7 that they wanted – no, needed – to take on a date at the Gold Saucer. Each has their upsides, but there’s just something special about the date with Barrett, where two grown men who barely tolerate each other take a romantic gondola ride in dead silence.

I worry this date option might be in danger of being cut, because Square’s recent iterations of both characters have been cool and macho (with an extra side dish of broody in Cloud’s case), with little room for the level of frivolity that such a date requires. But if Square is committed to keeping the bits of rampant goofiness that balance FF7’s more serious parts, this scene needs to stay. I mean, if you don’t get to watch Barrett and Cloud complain about watching the fireworks together and argue about girls they’d rather be with, is it really FF7?

Fix the typos

Nothing undermines a tense moment between a villain and main character quite like realizing the villain can’t spell. That’s what happens at the end of the fight against Sephiroth following Aeris’ death, where Jenova climactically tells Cloud, “Beacause…you are a puppet.” It’s enough to get a snicker out or raised eyebrow out of many players at the least appropriate time, and it’s definitely something that needs to be fixed for the remake.

It isn’t just a spare “beacause” or “This guy are sick” that’s the problem either. Final Fantasy 7’s American localization is full of slapdash translations that are at best worded poorly, and at worst alter the dialogue in a way that makes the intention of some scenes a lot muddier. It’s so widespread that one fan spent five years tuning the script into functional shape. We should expect no less from the remake, especially when it’s fully voiced and typos will stand out pretty blatantly against the voice work. Maybe Square can hire that guy as a consultant.

Keep Aeris playing dress-up with Cloud

Putting men in dresses has long been a staple of western comedy, and while it may not be as popular as it once was (followers of Ru Paul know that drag is no funny business), I don’t think Aeris dressing Cloud up as a girl should appear in the remake just for a cheap joke. Sure, laughs will probably be involved, since we have a hardened soldier sporting an awful pink dress and pigtails to break into a brothel, but the scene also reveals a great deal of important, early characterization.

More than anywhere else, this is where we see Aeris’ unconventional thinking come out, as she decides that the absolute best way to rescue Tifa from a bad situation is to dress Cloud up in hastily arranged drag and send him into the fray. It also shows Cloud’s determination and affection for Tifa (whether romantic or friendly, please don’t hurt me), because would he ever go through with any of that if he didn’t care? The scene gives the leads a lot of extra character they might not otherwise get, and… okay, it will also be funny to see a hyper-realistic Cloud wearing the world’s ugliest dress with a straight face. He’s a daring man.

Fix Barrett’s accent

Mister T was all the rage in the 90’s, and while allusions to him might hit all our nostalgia buttons, it’s going to feel stale this far into the 21st century. So while old fans will probably still love Barrett’s ridiculous and actually-kind-of-racist manner of speaking, new fans drawn to the remake either aren’t going to get it, or will find it off-putting. Sometimes it’s better to leave the past in the past.

That isn’t to say that Barrett has to speak like a proper gent or become a mute main character, either – he just needs a voice that sounds like it belongs to a real person and not a joke from the A-team. Square-Enix has managed that balance in Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus, giving him more modern appeal without losing his tough-guy charm. They’ve done it before, and they can do it again – he’ll just have a lot more lines this time.

Keep Cid’s swearing

Cid’s adorably colorful swearing was easy to pull off in the days of text-only dialogue: throw a few &’s and %’s and *’s together in a long string, and you’re done! However, voice acting is just about mandatory these days, and if Square-Enix couldn’t get away with typing what he was saying, you’re damn sure they aren’t going to get away with having him say it out loud. The immediate reaction might be that the swearing has to go, but unlike emulating a dated television icon, swearing (and the need to not broadcast it) is ubiquitous across generations. Cid’s curses could totally fly, and get a few laughs along the way.

It wouldn’t even be that hard to change his dialogue in a way that’s suitable for a voice-focused generation. Just go the cable TV route and, whenever Cid says a string of symbols in the original script, use a long audio bleep to drown it out. It’s quick, it’s clean, it’s a technique that the audience is familiar with, and it maintains the spirit of the original. It’s a &^$%* good idea, is all I’m saying.

Fix the unskippable cutscenes

Ah, the Knights of the Round – or as I like to call it, the Snack Break summon. The longest summon sequence in all of FF7, it can get even longer when doubled with certain materia, and you have to watch it in its entirety every single time you want to call those magical beasts for aid. Most of you probably have it memorized, you’ve see that sequence so much. But these days that nonsense won’t fly, so its time to kick the unskippable cutscenes for good.

This one is so simple I’ll be bowled over if it isn’t already in the cards: simply add a ‘skip’ button to any main cutscene, give players the option to toggle summon animations in the settings, and voil, problem solved. Square-Enix’s been implementing both features in their games for years starting with Final Fantasy 12, so blessedly, I’ll bet this one’s a surefire change. I’ll have to come up with a different nickname for the Knights, and I couldn’t be happier.

Keep characters optional

It’s true that Yuffie and Vincent have firmly embedded themselves in the canon of FF7, to the point that developers at Square-Enix actually wrote a scenario explaining why neither could be found in the original’s final cutscene (which acts as the prologue to Dirge of Cerberus, so I get if you missed it). Retrospectively it seems odd for them to be optional, since canonically speaking they were absolutely involved, but this one is worth keeping.

Not just because ‘that’s how it is in the original’, which is often a bad excuse to do anything, but because their status as optional characters is part of what makes them feel special. I know friends who went to great lengths to complete Yuffie and Vincent’s sidequests, desperate to invite these mysterious characters onto their team. In the same way BioWare makes some of its biggest characters feel even more interesting because their totally missable, Yuffie and Vincent gain an extra level of intrigue because you have to work to get them on your side. Sure, it might be easier to have them from the get-go, but why rob new fans of that feeling of victory and character connection when they finally call you a teammate?

Make the rumors into reality

Being suckered by outlandish Final Fantasy 7 rumors was all part of the fun back in 1997. There were so many good ones – recruit Sephiroth, find the Holy materia, learn Super Nova – that it was hard not to be convinced at least one of them was true. But after countless hours spent talking to a friend who heard from his cousin that his older brother knew how to fight Turqoise Weapon, we all realized these rumors were just empty promises. Clearly, such outrageous claims were too good to be true, but with the Final Fantasy 7 remake on the horizon, Square-Enix has the chance to rewrite history.

This remake should include an immensely well-hidden, complex sidequest that finally puts to rest the greatest Final Fantasy 7 rumor of all: reviving Aerith. The sidequest would only appear after you finish the game once, and completing it would earn you an alternate ending. It would be a fun way to celebrate FF7’s legacy in a way that recognizes that passionate (and imaginative) fan community that sprung up around this game.

To wait or not wait, that is the question

Its a sticky issue. The essence of FF7s core mechanics is in its turn-based combat, but on the other hand those very same mechanics are horribly slow and outdated by modern standards. Its the one change we imagine is giving the developers the biggest headache.

No matter how fondly you remember it through your misty nostalgia glasses, going back to it now its the turn-based combat that is really starting to show its age. Fancypants HD Cloud and Tifa wont be content waiting in a queue to strike. A complete 180 to FF15-style action would feel like a betrayal to those core ideas, but things definitely need a significant update.

Fix Aeris/th’s name

For the love of the lifestream, just pick one. Make it official and end the debate once and for all. This argument has gone on two decades too long (opens in new tab).

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A wave of groans followed theinitial discovery (opens in new tab)of Square Enix’s plans torerelease Final Fantasy VII (opens in new tab)on the PC, but today those should be subsided a little bit. Square Enix confirmed to Kotaku today that the title will not use microtransactions despite earlier indications to the contrary.

The initial discovery of the re-release came with the realization that SE mentioned that players would be able to buff their characters or buy Phoenix Downs “with the click of a button.” Many assumed (and justly so) that this indicated a plan to include microtransactions or a pay-to-win strategy for the game.

“No, the Character Booster will not cost real money to use,” a Square Enix representative said to Kotaku (opens in new tab). “We’ll have final pricing info on the game to share soon, but we can confirm that there will be no microtransactions for the upcoming rerelease of Final Fantasy VII on PC.”

So while this does indicate that Square Enix will not be trying to squeeze extra pennies out of customers, there still remains the issue of fundamentally altering the balance of a classic game. We don’t know the specific details yet, but it still sounds like they’re turning this into a Final Fantasy VII sight-seeing tour. We’re not sure how we feel about that.

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